The Pussification Of America
OK, ladies, which way do you want it? Give us a clue, because it has gotten confusing. This column is sure to make me some enemies on the female side of the readership equation and beyond. I can think of several women right off the bat who I know will take me to task, but whatever. It’s my column. Let me take a breath before I begin.

I was recently told by a male friend that I write sissy stuff. He likes it and gets the sensitive side of me, but I am a guy’s guy and I should act that way. The timing of his comment is very strange because, earlier the same day, a female friend of mine told me that emotionally I am “half girl.” Wow. So, I guess I can feel good that I am sensitive enough to understand women—that is, as much as any man can understand a woman.

Somewhere along the lines in the latter part of the 20th century, society completely screwed up the natural order of things. The lines have been blurred on obvious issues. Suddenly we have things like Jack & Jill showers and combined bachelor/bach

Men are simple. We are silly, stupid creatures who have evolved very little since we were still walking on all fours. If you don’t believe in Darwin, then look at it this way: Eve got Adam to eat the apple, didn’t she? So if you believe in the Book of Genesis, then you will believe the fact that guys are stupid, and if we like the lady then we’ll eat the fruit that God Himself told us not to. Adam went on to live for 930 years, by the way. Statistically, Eve probably lived until she was 1,200 years, eating apples the whole time.

Before I get so deep I can’t see out of the trench, it’s obviously good for all of us that the world changed and women have been able to shatter the glass ceiling. Here’s a few names: Hillary Clinton, Condoleeza Rice and Sarah Palin. Yeah, I said Palin, because she is a mother who was elected to office in her home state of Alaska. I don’t care if you like her or not—she is a mother who is running for vice president of the United States of America. There are millions of women out there who identify with her life; in fact, more than who would identify with Sen. Clinton or Secretary of State Rice. Should she run the country? Well, that’s another column.

I am confused by how to treat professional women in the dating arena. I know some women who make more cash than I ever will. They have great jobs with power and prestige and are tough and respected. They bring that attitude to their social lives, but then it backfires. The same woman who once told me that she did not need coddling, cuddling or emotional support from any man got mad and cried when I did not call her back in 15 minutes. What? How would such a pillar of self-confidence fall to pieces in such quick order?

Here’s why. Women are women, guys are guys, and that is it. Very rare is the female who can remove that emotional part from her that makes her a woman. No matter how tough the exterior, she wants to know that she is a woman through and through—even if she acts like a dude most of the time. And there is the dumb, stupid guy. Here’s a little insight: We’d want you and love you no matter what. A lot of women have not figured that out yet. But some of you have, and you are the ones who have masterminded the pussification of men throughout the USA. You have dreamed up these hideous co-ed events. You are holding the apples.

And for some reason, men keep taking big bites. You can bet that God and Darwin are probably laughing about it, too.