Little children have little ears. Many adults, unfortunately and mistakenly, assume that two-year-olds, three-year-olds and four-year-olds “don’t understand.” Ah, but they do! Children are smarter and a lot more aware of actions, conversations and events than adults give them credit for. Little children are “sponges” for language. They are uniquely attuned and preprogrammed to listen and to learn everything that they hear and see. The language learning process during the first three years of life is both rapid and systematic. There is a neurological basis for children’s ability to learn language that belies our understanding and amazes most researchers.
Language is a complex symbolic system that has three basic components: communication, meaning, and structure. During the first year of life, children observe how adults talk to and interact with one another. They learn about looking behavior, gestures, and sounds. Language has a primary purpose which is to communicate with others by functioning as a speaker and as a listener. Research has shown that infants as young as four months have a highly developed gaze pattern which allows them to focus on an adult’s face when the adult is speaking to them and then wait their turn to respond back to the adult by looking, gesturing or making sounds.
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The second component involves the development of word meaning. There is actually a word explosion period in which children acquire a vocabulary very rapidly. Children learn what words mean and how to use them in various contexts. So, for example, four legs, furry and whiskers becomes a kitty cat. Whereas four legs, furry and woof becomes a doggie. A child’s brain is like a library which categorizes all of the features and characteristics of people, actions and objects. The information is cross-referenced to create a complex language system which is highly specialized so that words can be rapidly retrieved and accessed.
The third component involves the actual structure of language. Simply, children learn how to say something by using the grammatical rules that are unique to each language. The “game” for children in acquiring a language is learning how to say what to whom, when, where and why. A child may say the same thing to a friend and to a parent but how he speaks to his father will not only be different but critical. As children get older they modify their language and social behavior to reflect the more sophisticated polite forms of adult conduct. This becomes much more important as children grow older and there is more pressure to “act appropriately.” Society in general has very strict rules about social conduct in various settings such as business and work environments. Children receive critical feedback when they say or act inappropriately when adults are around. There may be a great deal of understanding and tolerance for childish outbursts but this all disappears during adolescence and young adulthood.
Children will pick up colloquial expressions and phrases which are used at home and in their communities. Parents often find out that children have actually heard a private conversation when something is repeated to another family member or neighbor. So, be careful what you say when young children are around; they will definitely repeat what they hear. It is also important for parents to keep in mind that the way in which they treat each other will be picked up very early by children as well. Cursing and expressions of anger can be seen in children as young as 24 months in their behavior and in their play. So as a general rule, if you don’t want your children to do it, don’t do it or say it yourself. For heaven’s sake, don’t underestimate your three-year-old listener. He understands a lot more than you think.
