How do I know that?
Because when he was at the top of his game—when everything was going right for his team, the New York Giants—Plaxico Burress shot himself in the foot. That’s such a Republican move. I know, I’m a Republican.
Have you watched the debates? The Republican Party is at war with the Republican Party. Sadly, the only person who will win this war is a Democrat—Barack Obama.
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What a mess. And it got worse when Newt Gingrich crushed Mitt Romney in, of all places, South Carolina.
Now here is what you have to know about South Carolina. These are the descendents of the same people who elected Jefferson Davis to be president of the Confederate States of America because Abraham Lincoln was another Republican whom South Carolina felt should not be our President.
At one point, Newt’s second wife, Marianne, actually tried to derail his candidacy in South Carolina. It seems that Newt, who is either crazy or has balls of steel, asked Marianne to accept an open marriage (so he could also be with his girlfriend) while preaching family values to the rest of us.
It turns out the voters of South Carolina, not being the sharpest knives in the drawer, actually thought that Newt asking his wife to have an open marriage was not such a bad idea. They sort of accepted that Newt had divorced two of his wives and was on his third, but at the same time they frowned on Mitt Romney’s being a Mormon. Apparently having three wives was OK if you divorced them one at a time, but being part of a religion where people used to be able to have three or more wives at the same time was more than the Christian Right could stand.
This brings up a lot of interesting things to contemplate on the unlikely chance Newt should get to be president of the United States.
One day he would address the American people and say, “People of the United States, I have secretly been spending some time in Canada and after a lot of work behind the scenes, I am happy to report that I have been elected president of Canada, too. There’s no reason why we can’t all live together.
“I can now admit I have secretly been doing to Canada what I’ve been doing to the United States for years. Now we can have the first North American threesome, and in the spirit of honesty, I must admit I have my eye on Mexico, too.”
Let me say this about Gingrich.
He’s very smart. He will beat up on the media, to everyone’s delight. He is a great debater and would crush stuttering Barack Obama in a presidential debate and will expose him as the worst president to hold the office since Jimmy Carter. But winning a debate will not add up to winning this election. And sadly for the Republican party, I have as much of a chance to be elected president of the United States as Newt Gingrich has.
Why? Because Newt Gingrich is a loathsome creature who has more baggage for being involved in more shady deals than any other politician in the country. Shall we talk about Newt scamming Freddie Mac out of $1.6 million while serving as a historian (read “lobbyist”).
How about this: Newt as Speaker of the House had 84 ethics charges filed against him, and he was reprimanded and penalized $300,000 by a 395-28 House vote. This was the first time in the history of the House that a Speaker was disciplined for ethics violations.
How can I best put this? In a man-to-man comparison, that despicable piece of crap, Democrat John Edwards, comes out as sort of Newt Gingrich lite.
Now before you start writing in to this paper and hurting my tender feelings, let me tell you where I stand. I want the Republican nominee to be the most electable conservative candidate. The key word here is “electable.”
Remember the people who are pushing hard for Newt Gingrich are the same people who were trying to shove that idiot Rick Perry down our throats. I want us to nominate a candidate who will get the votes of the most Independents, the key to every election.
I’m talking about real honest-to-goodness Independents who have had it up to here with the destructive antics of both parties and will vote for the best person running. They are disappointed and fed up with Obama, but they will choose him over Newt Gingrich. I was a Huntsman fan. He didn’t make it. If Gov. Chris Christie, Gov. Mitch Daniels or Gen. David Petraeus throw their hat into the ring, I will vote for one of them. But as of now, the best candidate we have, and the person I’m voting for, is Mitt Romney.
