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The Pink Slip – January, 2013
The executive vice president of the National Rifle Association held a much-anticipated press conference (no questions allowed) following the shootings of 20 children and six adults at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., and, in essence, blamed the media for glorifying violence and proposed that armed guards be stationed at every school in the nation to keep the paranoid killers at bay. LaPierre’s proposal is deranged, his response to the tragedy delusional. LaPierre…You’re fired.
Italy’s former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi refuses to go away quietly. Although he resigned last year, he manages to cause just as much trouble when he’s out of office as when he’s in power. Could you imagine what this country would be like if George W. Bush were stirring up the pot every two seconds? That’s what Berlusconi is doing to Italy. It got so divisive that the Pope issued a Christmas call for political peace, but Berlusconi egged on his right-wing supporters to throw mud in the public sphere by attacking his successor Mario Monti and hamper his efforts to get the Italian economy back on track. Berlusconi doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone. Berlusconi…You’re fired.
The 40-year-old American-born head of the Jewish Home party is on the verge of making his far-right, pro-Zionist faction the third most powerful force in the Knesset, Israel’s parliament , which could mean that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s governing coalition would become even more extreme, endangering the Mideast’s fading hopes for peace with the Palestinians. Bennett isn’t interested in a two-state solution; he wants to annex the occupied territories in defiance of UN policies and U.S. initiatives. The last thing President Obama needs is watching Israel deliberately turn itself into a belligerent occupying power propped up by our money and military might. Bennett…you’re fired.
The Jets offensive coordinator was brought in from the Miami Dolphins (where his coaching record was mediocre at best) to make the other teams in its lop-sided conference fear the Meadowlands’ Green Machine. But Sparano never got the offense going in any direction other than backwards. Instead, he just messed up the minds of three quarterbacks, not just one, and made the Wildcat offense look as tame as an old tabby cat. Under his guidance, the Jets ranked 30th in total yards gained per game. Sparano…you’re fired.
Remember when this belligerent blonde priestess of right-wing bombast said she “highly” approved of Gov. Mitt Romney’s “decision to be kind and gentle to the retard”? Coulter is no dummy; she’s made a fortune patronizing the boneheads of our Republic who eat up her every word because they think that makes them smarter. She should be forced to empty bed pans in a psych ward for the next four years of Obama’s presidency. Ann Coulter…you’re fired.
For 25 years Poly Prep Country Day School, an elite private boys’ academy in Brooklyn, bent over backwards to avoid confronting charges from its student body that the celebrated football coach, Phil Foglietta, was sexually abusing hundreds of kids, some as young as 10. Well, finally, justice has been served. After a lengthy process, the school has just settled a lawsuit filed three years ago by 12 plaintiffs who had each sought $20 million—the largest such suit in the New York area. What the school will actually pay has not been disclosed but what it would have saved had it investigated Foglietta’s horrible behavior when it first came to light can’t be calculated. Although the coach has since deceased, let this example live on as a costly reminder to institutions everywhere to take these allegations seriously and do the right thing. If we’d had the chance, what do you think we’d say? Phil Foglietta…you’re fired.
Anybody who gets arrested for assaulting his wife on Christmas deserves to be punished to the full extent of the law. That goes double for former big league athletes like Andruw Jones, the ex-Braves and ex-Yankee outfielder who got busted in his big mansion outside Atlanta and charged with battery. Early Christmas morning his wife accused the slugger of dragging her down a staircase, grabbing her neck and yelling that he wanted to kill her. She reportedly freed herself and called the cops who found the 35-year-old athlete “heavily intoxicated and confused about why officers were standing in his bedroom.” Jones may have just signed a $3.5 million, one-year contract to play ball in Japan, but we think he could spend his time more wisely in rehab here in the States. Andruw Jones…you’re fired.
For Christmas Kim Kardashian got a pair of custom-made Giuseppe Zanotti shoes from her boyfriend Kanye West. At least he’s got talent (which is more than we can say for her). Khloe Kardashian gave her little sisters Kendall and Kylie designer handbags and ankle boots worth big bucks. What’s on sibling Kourtney’s toes remains to be seen. Apparently new shoes are big news if the Kardashians stick their feet into them. Thanks to the miracle of “reality TV,” we all know who this rich family of freeloaders is, but not why we should waste another minute on them. This phenomenon of being famous for being famous must end for the good of the country. Their brand has gone on long enough. Kardashians…you’re fired.
Over the years Louisiana has given so much to pop culture but then there’s Britney Spears, who’s in a class all by herself. There must be a reason Simon Cowell paid her $15 million to be a panelist on his second-rate show, “The X Factor,” but it can’t be for her “amazing” judging ability, can it? What this self-proclaimed “femme fatale” does away from the studio just may not be worth the worry, but she brings nothing to this show. Britney Spears…you’re fired.
The smug Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld rebuffed his own generals’ advice—let alone every sane person outside the Pentagon who knew going to war in Iraq was going to be a costly, drawn out bloody debacle—and convinced President George W. Bush that overthrowing Saddam Hussein would be a cakewalk. There’d be more strategic targets than in Afghanistan, he said, and more oil of course. But when his “preemptive strike” turned badly—through no fault of the heroic men and women in our military who were poorly served by their commander in chief—Rumsfeld just shrugged and told his poorly armored troops: “You go to war with the army you have.” When priceless archaeological sites were plundered in the fertile crescent, museum collections ruined in Bagdad, he blew it off. Those are crimes against humanity, so let history be the judge. But authorizing waterboarding, other forms of torture and extrajudicial execution violate the Geneva Convention, and he should be held accountable. Maybe that’s why Bush sought to immunize Rumsfeld from prosecution in the International Criminal Court before he left office, but Rumsfeld could be tried in other countries under the precepts of universal law. And just as Nazi war criminals were hounded for years until they were brought to justice, so should he be made to pay for his unlawful acts that have tarnished the lasting legacy of the United States (as well as added to our debt). Donald Rumsfeld…you’re fired.