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WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH PETITION

BULL’S EYE A petition is posted on WhiteHouse.gov to legally recognize the Westboro Baptist Church, known for its extremist ideologies against homosexuals, Jews and even their fellow Christians, as a hate group. With hundreds of thousands of cyber signatures so far, it’s the most popular petition ever posted since the Obama administration launched the site last year. Amen to that.

TRUMP ON THE OCEAN

BULL’S EYE After five years of arguing over a basement, Donald Trump’s massive on-again off-again luxury restaurant and catering facility that would have eaten up 86,000 square feet of Jones Beach with a two-story building, formal terraces, etc., is off again, after waves from super storm Sandy flooded the site. The risk of the same thing happening again sends the billionaire packing—back to his Manhattan penthouse. #1PercentProblems

THE EPA 

PARTIAL SCORE Lisa Jackson steps down as administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, issuing a statement that she is confident “the ship is sailing in the right direction” but doesn’t mention any reason for her decision. Hey, maybe she got a job on the board of directors over at Monsanto. It wouldn’t be the first time the agency charged with protecting the environment and the corporate giant set on destroying it swapped employees! We wish we were kidding.

THE FDA

OFF TARGET A genetically modified salmon mutated to grow twice as fast as natural salmon is on course to become the first GM animal in the world declared safe to eat, after the Food & Drug Administration gives it the OK, meaning mass production of the fish is just around the corner. So, the FDA, whose current deputy commissioner for foods is a former vice president of GM food giant Monsanto, has backed a mutant fish that will make the industry millions? Shocker!

BOTOX

OFF TARGET Botox users are warned that doses of the drug received by nearly 400 medical centers in the U.S. are unapproved and from foreign sources, putting patients at risk. But what those risks are is still unclear. We’re sure it’s just the government overreacting. Injecting paralysis-inducing neurotoxins between your eyes—what could go wrong!?

SNAPCHAT

PARTIAL SCORE Sexting app Snapchat, which allows users to send videos that last only for a specified amount of time before spontaneously combusting, is outsmarted by the techies at BuzzFeed, who detail exactly how to get those files back permanently after they supposedly disappear… And the publicists of B-list celebs around the world get a belated holiday bonus this year.

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