We hate you Microsoft. You and your pesky Operating Systems. Super-rich boss who can do great things with bajillions of dollars he doesn’t even need…

Super-annoying web browser.

Even those of us who love you, hate having to defend you against Apple fanbots. Even we loved the Mac vs. PC commercials, where the pudgy guy took a shellacking every time from the mild mannered, nerdy but lovable guy who we know we’ve seen in a million other things but can’t actually name any.

(Plus, your Windows cell phones… Yeah. No one cares.)

There is nothing you can do to ever put yourselves in the warm and fuzzy part of our heart reserved for unicorns, being swaddled by your mother at two months old, knowing how to spell swaddled…

Wait. What’s this?


Aw shucks Microsoft. Wanna French?