“Hey Conforti,” the imaginary people who follow this pseudo-column say, “Stop showing like, uplifting stuff. This is the internet. I want to see stupid time lapse videos that are stupid but then again, are sorta awesome and kinda funny but not like ROFL funny but kinda funny and something I could show someone and be all like ‘Hey, check out this video out, it’s stupid but kinda cool and sorta funny’.”

Hm. Actually, I’ve got just the thing.


Long Island Press patrons