the-targetTestie Fish
Off Target

The Pacu, the fish that made a splash for its taste for testicles, has reportedly been found in a New Jersey pond. That means it’s a short swim away from Long Island, which is way too close for comfort. And we were worried about the Atlantic Beach shark sighting!

Crocodile Wrestlers
Partial Score

A Holtsville man is suing a Mexican golf course where a crocodile ate two of his fingers as he took practice swings. Apparently living on Long Island, where more than a dozen alligators have turned up in the past year, taught him how to instinctively free himself from the jaws while his golf partner wrestled the croc. Still a better story than our last trip to Cancun.

Breaking Bad
On Target

Murderous meth kingpin Walter White shows what can happen to chemistry teachers who turn to the dark side when they can’t afford the co-pay for their cancer treatments. And what a strange, seven-year trip it was. Withdrawal is hard to take for us fans.

Dina Lohan
Off Target

Somehow managing to one-up her infamous actress daughter’s legal troubles, Mrs. Lohan gets arrested for DWI days before her 51st birthday and two weeks after the bank moves to foreclose on her $1.3-million Merrick home. Oh, and she recanted a claim that she was injured when Troopers took her into custody. After being interviewed by Oprah. We couldn’t make this stuff up.

Off Target

Long Island’s lone daily newspaper fails to disclose in their coverage and endorsement of Democrat Tom Suozzi in the Nassau County executive race that their parent company, Cablevision, donates to his campaign and hired him after he was unseated in 2009. Instead of issuing their usual comment when we call them out—“we stand behind our coverage”—a Newsday flack declines to comment. The silence is deafening.