‘Duckies’ Flying Toward a Pennant
The Not So Mighty Ducks, affectionately known as the “Duckies,” are Nassau County’s entry in the All-Avian Baseball League (AABL). With two weeks to go in the regular season, the hi-flying Duckies are leading their conference and have their fans in the grip of pennant fever. For those not familiar with the team, here’s what it looks like position by position with a breakdown of how players field, run and throw.
First Base: This position requires a rangy bird that can stretch out for errant throws while keeping his foot on the base. The loon is a perennially Gold Glove winner. On close plays his eerie cry can chill base runners causing them to break stride and be called out. “Loonie,” as he is affectionately known to his teammates, because of his likeness on the Canadian one-dollar coin, is a “money” player.
Second Base: The palm warbler, an early spring migrant, is one of the first to arrive at training camp. A ground feeder, he is equally adept at “feeding” the ball to the shortstop to begin the double play as he is taking the throw at second and avoiding sliding base runners while completing the throw to first. He gives off a soft buzz-like trill of satisfaction after the umpire signals an out.
Shortstop: The ruddy duck, a blue-billed duck whose tail is often raised, is an infield mainstay. He can go into the “hole” or move laterally. Adept at diving, he charges grounders and makes the long throw to first, which nails base runners. Known to be aggressive in courting, the duck nicknamed “bluebill” is management’s choice to speak with free agents in order to attract them to the team.
Third Base: The oystercatcher is a chunky shorebird that plucks clamshells out of shallow water, pries them open with its long plunger-like red bill and extracts the meat. Charging whistling grounders is a piece of cake compared to that. His long throws, when released from that prodigious proboscis, routinely beat base runners to first. The bill doubles as a baton when he takes to the mound and leads the crowd in Take Me Out to the Ball Game for the 7th inning stretch.
Right Field: When there’s one out and runners on base, a sure handed outfielder with cat-quick reflexes and a rifle arm is needed to make the throw to home plate. The grackle’s purposeful stride and steely yellow eye reassures teammates in tight situations. The black and iridescent blue bird nicknamed “Jackdaw” is a fixture in the lineup.
Center Field: The upright black-bellied plover covers this crucial territory with style and grace. Always in position, our largest plover turns potential base hits into outs, making it look easy. A striking bird, “chuckle-head,” as he’s called by his teammates, is a fan favorite. An actual poet and birder wrote this description about two that she saw: “Vogue models in black and white: Black caps and legs, A blinding white scarf around each neck.” Any wonder why this dude’s picture is on the cover of programs, free at all home games.
Left Field: This position calls for a bird to sometimes “climb” the outfield “wall” and grab a long ball before it reaches the seats. Last winter in Florida I saw a stealthy cattle egret precariously balance itself with its long yellow feet on a bush, then with blinding speed grab an anole. It leaped to the top of a low wall, holding the struggling prey in its bill, then positioned and swallowed it. A vacationing “Duckies” scout who witnessed this signed the startled bird to a contract on the spot.
Catcher: With elusive base runners cannily grabbing a piece of the plate as they slide by or barreling into catchers, a sturdy wide body is why the mottled duck is behind the plate. This bird dabbles for food in shallow water making it easy for him to grab outfield throws that bounce onto the dirt and tag out runners. A Florida and Gulf Coast bird, he has made it known that he wants to win the World Series no later than mid-October so he can fly home to warm weather.
Starting Pitcher: The black-necked stilt’s legs are overly long and look especially so as he raises them going into his throwing motion. It’s a rare batter who can keep his eyes on the ball and off those legs as the umpire signals strikes. Position players know it’s a short afternoon when “Daddy-long-legs” is on the mound. Although extremely vocal, he has hired an agent to negotiate a long-term contract with the team so he won’t have to play for birdseed.
Closer: With a slender lead in the late innings you need a shut down pitcher. When opposing batters see the glossy ibis, which resembles a flying pterodactyl with a glove and cap, they wonder if they’re in a ballpark or Jurassic Park. It is reddish brown and iridescent green and has a long down curved bill. As batters stare, strikes fly over the plate untouched and fat ladies start warming up their vocal cords.
Pinch Runner: When his team needs a stolen base or an insurance run, the gray catbird is let out of the bag and onto “catbird” seat. His nine lives have an unsettling effect on pitchers and keep his manager purring like a kitten. When he’s not on the field, the catbird can be found on his catamaran, the “Cat’s Meow,” sailing L.I. Sound.
Manager: Here you want a bird that’s a wise old head. Who’s better than the Baltimore oriole whose team dates to 1901? His striking black, orange and white colors enable players to see him flashing signals and positioning them. “O,” as he’s nicknamed by his players, has promised them Maryland crab cakes with all the trimmings as the post game meal when they clinch the pennant.
