I understand that the Hicksville News’ printing schedule forced editor Steve Mosco to write his “Questions For Clowns” editorial before “White House Chief of Staff” Reince Priebus was fired by “Communications Director” Anthony Scaramucci and before Scaramucci himself was fired by either General John Kelly or President Trump himself.
But I suggest that you start writing your editorials in an “anticipatory” style, wherein you make educated guesses as to what the state of affairs is likely to be inside the White House by the time your editorial lands in readers’ hands the following Wednesday.
So, as you read these words I’m sending to you on Wednesday, Aug. 2, and begin writing your forthcoming Aug. 9 editorial, I suggest you follow up your current reference to “the president’s ban on transgender military service people” with his (and here I anticipate) appointment of Caitlin/Bruce Jenner as White House liaison-trainer of decathlon athletes expected to compete in the 2028 Los Angeles Summer Olympics.
You might also want to anticipate President Trump’s surprise “firing” (i.e. divorce) of Melania for a younger woman (such as Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who is doing such a good job for him as Sean Spicer’s successor).
You might also achieve a third “scoop” by anticipating President Trump leaving the presidency voluntarily because of his mounting frustrations, diminishing support and anger—or involuntarily due to Congressional impeachment.
Whatever you choose to say in your next editorial, we loyal readers promise not to deem any “alternative facts” or “fake news” you publish as too far-fetched in this unique Alice in Wonderland presidency.
—Richard Siegelman
