Shooting the Breeze –Fred Moreno
I admit that my trying something different this past New Years Eve was a complete failure. Year after year my wife Joann and I watch Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve and have to endure “Silent Night” being rapped. Then we scoff down two trays of franks-in-a-blanket, take eight Tums and are in bed by 12:02. “Well this year, it’s going to be different,” I said.
So I made reservations at one of these catering halls that had a fountain in the lobby and a wishing well in the men’s room. I even convinced our neighbors Ray and Mary Pat to join us. It was “only” $100 a person and it included unlimited franks-in-a-blanket. The bad news was that the place was in Staten Island. We had to leave at 3:30 p.m. to get there by the 8:00 cocktail hour –and thanks to the Belt Parkway, we just made it.
The dining room was already jammed with party goers – average age 25. The hostess didn’t waste time giving us the bad news, saying that since I was late making the reservations they would have to split us up. My wife’s meltdown and sending for the manager didn’t do any good. And the icing on the cake was that JoAnn and I were unable to squeeze onto the table so Mary Pat and my wife sat at Table 19 and I had to spend New Year’s Eve with Ray at Table 64!
Every 15 minutes Ray and I would reunite with our loved ones. After 12 champagne cocktails we all laughed off the situation. However, a couple of hours later something unexpected happened and it wasn’t very funny. The DJ actually announced a “Ladies’ Choice.” I haven’t heard that expression in decades, but at least two women have heard of it and their names weren’t JoAnn or Mary Pat. Apparently, Sophia and Jacqueline thought that Ray and I were alone and decided to make us their choices for the slowest of slow dances. Guess we both had a weak moment and after scoping their dresses our moments became even weaker. So we said “Yes” to the dress–I mean we danced with them.
I thought I saw Ray make the sign of the cross before getting to the dance floor. Feeling guilty, I said a quick act of contrition. After sweating profusely for two minutes, I suddenly received this thunderous jolt. I looked up and it was JoAnn dancing with the waiter and Mary Pat dancing with the bus boy. What a small world! When the dance was over, we noticed that one of the couples from our table left so we called our wives over and spent the rest of the evening together. Less munchies for me and Ray, but the company was good. It turned out to be a great night out after all! We even got to dance with our wives.
We arrived home about 3:00 and I was asleep by 3:01. I woke up at 5:30 to shut the TV off and found myself on the basement couch. I called out to my wife as to how I got down there. She yelled from upstairs, “It was a ladies’ choice.” I knew I was going to have to pay for it. I got up to shut the TV and would you believe, “Say Yes to the Dress” was just coming on. And for spite, I left it on!…Happy 2016.
