This podcast mania was passing me by and that was fine. When I think of the social media trend, which is rarely, I picture two guys in a garage smoking pot, talking about the latest Bigfoot sighting.
Or liberal ladies like Amy Poehler and Tina Fey mocking the “patriarchy,” terrible white men. Minority males are okay unless they are conservative. Then there is angst.
Essentially, I am a hard news guy who analyzes events using logic and facts. No weed in sight. Don’t care about grievance-dwelling by millionaire feminists.
However, I have a young staff that loves the podcast world. They forced me into it and, not only that, have humiliated me in the process.
When I was around 13, I anchored a tabloid news program called “Inside Edition.” That was eons ago, yet somehow, the show is still on the air.
One day, the tech crew was having a hard time not screwing up the daily taping. Petulantly, I dropped some F-bombs and yelled: “We’ll do it live!” Which we did.
Unbeknownst to me, the techs were recording my tantrum and years later, when I was dominating the cable news ratings, a sneaky guy sold the tape to a guttersnipe website. Now, you can watch it forever on social media.
It’s crazy. I’ve had people in Iceland yell “we’ll do it live” at me.
I threw snowballs at them. How’s that for live, Sven?
With the tantrum legacy established, my staff demanded the new podcast be called, you guessed it, “We’ll Do It Live!” Which, of course, we don’t. We tape it.
So, each week I have to utter the show’s name, which is designed to mock me. What a world.
Anyway, the new thing is working out. I’ve already chatted with Rob Schneider and Steve Schirripa of The Sopranos and Blue Bloods. Both are solid, smart guys. You will like the conversations.
This week, Sen. Lindsay Graham enters the pod zone. Important. He knows a tremendous amount about Iran and U.S. military power. We’ll drop that talk on Thursday.
Apparently, the show is already hot and famous folks are lining up. Here’s a brief wish list of guests I’d love to speak with.
– Pope Leo. It would be all about “just war.” I am a former altar boy and still go to church. This is a long shot and has excommunication all over it, but I’m trying.
– Bill Clinton. So, what the deuce happened to the Democratic Party? How did it become radical left? I know the former president. Difficult booking, but not impossible.
– David Letterman and Jon Stewart. My former sparring partners. Both have deep Trump animus. Great TV and beard tips from Dave if it happens.
– Joe and Jill Biden. Only if I kidnap them will this proposed chat ever take place. Is that worth life in prison? Yes, because I’m an old guy and there are many potentially great guests in federal penitentiaries.
– Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum. OMG! That would be something. Do cartel guys do podcasts? So many questions about what’s going on south of the border. How do you say podcast in Spanish?
Podcast.
On the downside, no Putin because he’ll never tell the truth about anything. Forget Robert DeNiro, too much crying and cursing. And Sen. Chuck Schumer can kiss my pod. Enough of this phony.
So, on we go. Social media wins again. We are doing it live on tape. I didn’t want to.
They forced me.
