It’s that time of year for the MTV Movie Awards, and this year’s show was hosted by British comedian Russell Brand.
Even if you’re not the biggest fan of Russell, he had a few good jokes. Among the easy targets was Justin Bieber, who has been in the tabloids lately for allegedly beating up a paparazzo.
“Well done, Justin!” Brand said, before saying he though the Biebs was “so pretty” and that “even if he was attacking me, I think I would do a little orgasm.”
Brand doesn’t mind self-deprecating humor. He was once arrested after he chucked a photographer’s phone through a window. Nothing is really off limits for Brand, including his 14-month marriage to pop star Katy Perry.
“If after recent events you think it’s hypocritical of me to joke about celebrities beating up a paparazzi, wait ’til you hear about what I’ve got to say about short-lived celebrity marriages,” he joked.
Brand even took a dig on Kim Kardashian. “I think of Kim Kardashian as the Stanley Kubrick of sex tapes,” he said. “They’re always brilliant but he only does one a decade.”
According to Brand, he went to school with Michael Fassbender, and loves him and his manhood.
“I did literally go to school with Michael Fassbender and I’m embarrassed to admit that at the time I didn’t notice his huge, engorged talent as I was too busy staring at his massive cock,” Brand said. “I deliberately removed all erotic content from this monologue ’cause he’s only there in the second row and if I get him too aroused, I may lose an eye.”
But Brand didn’t stop there. He also took shots at MTV’s hit show Teen Mom.
“Hunger Games is a story about a dystopia where poor people are humiliated for the amusement of an elite class,” he said. “That will obviously never happen! Do stay tuned after the show for the new season of Teen Mom, where pregnant women are laughed at for money!”
Take a look at Brand’s monologue if you didn’t see him in action on Sunday:
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