Zombie Apocalypse: CDC Releases Statement

Walking Dead Zombies
(Credit: themarysue.com)

When an act of cannibalism unfolds it’s sickening, but when it happens five times in one week it’s making everyone think: is the zombie apocalypse upon us?

The federal government is saying there is nothing to worry about. Even though the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention came out with a zombie survival guide, the agency officially said on Thursday that zombies don’t exist.

“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.

But ever since cannibalism reports have been swirling as a result of the “Miami Causeway Cannibal,” “zombie apocalypse” has been on the tip of everyone’s tongue. It was reportedly the most Googled term on Friday morning.

First there’s the “Miami Causeway Cannibal,” you know, the naked guy who beat his victim to a bloody pulp and then refused to stop ingesting his flesh until cops shot him to death. Not to mention that when authorities commanded the “Miami Causeway Cannibal,” Rudy Eugene, to stop eating his victim’s face, he growled at them as pieces of body tissue dangled from his mouth.

Next came the deranged story of a Texas mother who decapitated her son and ate parts of his brain and three of his toes, according to The Huffington Post.

There was also the Maryland college student who reportedly admitted to killing his roommate then eating his heart along with parts of his brain.

Let’s not forget about the New Jersey man who continually stabbed himself in the abdomen, threw his intestines at officers and needed two cans of pepper spray to be subdued before they rushed him to the emergency room or the 22-year-old Japanese artist who had his genitals removed and then cooked them for five diners at a lavish banquet.

This all happened and for no definite reason, so it’s definitely zombies, right? What do you think, is the zombie apocalypse upon us, is the government trying cover something up, or is it all just a coincidence?