BULL’S EYE In response to the Sandy Hook school massacre, New York becomes the first state to approve a new gun control law, the toughest in the nation, which expands the state’s existing assault weapons ban, limits the number of bullets allowed in magazines and strengthens gun ownership regulations for the mentally ill. In the mean time, an oblivious NRA endorses Practice Range, a 3-D shooting app for iPhone and iPad, first marking it appropriate for kids ages 4 and up and later changing it to ages 12 and up. Fun fact: NRA Executive Director Wayne LaPierre recently blamed video games for a culture of violence. Thank god this is just an app.
PARTIAL SCORE After attempting to skip a court date over an illness, then getting caught on a shopping spree in SoHo, Lindsay Lohan mans up and flies to LA to face an angry judge. When LiLo’s new lawyer tells the court that his celebrity client had an upper respiratory infection, Judge Stephanie Sautner responds, “Is that like a cold?” to which the lawyer attempts to argue that it is more like the flu. “No, it’s not,” the judge fires back. “The flu is the flu.” Unfortunately Judge Sautner plans on retiring before Lindsay’s next court date. Los Angeles is filled with murders, rapes and gang violence, but it’s a Lohan that makes Sautner, a law veteran and former NYPD-SVU detective, finally say, “Enough!”
BULL’S EYE Just as Long Island loses the Islanders to Brooklyn, New York soccer team the Cosmos wants to develop part of Belmont Park in Elmont into a professional soccer stadium along with retail, hotel and public park space. Finally, a team to take our minds off the Jets!
PARTIAL SCORE The cosmetics giant plans to close its fragrance operations in New Jersey and expand operations at its state-of-the-art Melville facility, bringing more jobs to Long Island. Hey, we gave Jersey’s economy JWOWW. It’s our turn for a boost. Then again, Jersey could probably use all the perfume it can get.
OFF TARGET PepsiCo says it is removing Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO), a controversial chemical also found in fire retardants, from its Gatorade products. Small quantities of BVO are used to keep the flavor evenly distributed in some citrus-flavored drinks. BVO-free Gatorade will start hitting the shelves over the next few months. So, next time you decide to obey your thirst, check the label first.
BULL’S EYE The United States ban on women in military combat is lifted, allowing women to apply for jobs in front-line positions and elite commando units. Vernice “FlyGirl” Armour, the first African-American female combat pilot, responds to those against the move via a CNN editorial, saying, “True, the average man is physically stronger than the average woman. Standards should not be lowered, and women don’t want them to be. No one should be in a job where he or she doesn’t meet the standards—not every man, for example, is fit to be a Navy SEAL.” Boom.