The scandal-marred NFL offseason supplied fans with so much reality TV-like drama that it may be hard for the actual first week of the regular season to match the theater we’ve all been privy to since February’s dramatic Super Bowl. Still, we’ll be on our couches this Sunday totally engrossed in the spectacle that is grown men walloping each other just for the chance at a touchdown. America is truly a great country.

We know the Giants and Jets are the only teams that really matter, but here’s the complete schedule for Sunday’s (and Monday’s) games. Snap those elastic sweatpants around your waist (or your crazy fan costume if you’re feeling passionate), arrange a bowl or two of your favorite greasy and saucy delights, pull up that recliner, light up the big screen, and bask in the glow of the NFL.

Sunday, September 13

Packers vs. Bears – 1 p.m., FOX

Chiefs vs. Texans – 1 p.m., CBS

Browns vs. Jets – 1 p.m., CBS

Colts vs. Bills – 1 p.m., CBS

Dolphins vs. Redskins – 1 p.m., CBS

Panthers vs. Jaguars – 1 p.m., FOX

Seahawks vs. Rams – 1 p.m., FOX

Saints vs. Cardinals – 4:05 p.m., FOX

Lions vs. Chargers – 4:05 p.m., FOX

Titans vs. Buccaneers – 4:25 p.m., CBS

Bengals vs. Raiders – 4:25 p.m., CBS

Ravens vs. Broncos – 4:25 p.m., CBS

Giants vs. Cowboys – 8:30 p.m., NBC

Monday, September 14

Eagles vs. Falcons – 7:10 p.m., ESPN

Vikings vs. 49ers – 10:20 p.m., ESPN

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