15. What happens on Fire Island stays on Fire Island.

The oceanfront beach on Fire Island.

It’s kind of like Vegas in that way, except the only Casino is a restaurant and bar where there’s no gambling.

14. New Jerseyans need not apply. 

Chris Christie
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (Photo by Gage Skidmore)

We may be both suburbs of the city, but we’re shaped like our original chief export, fish, while New Jersey is shaped like an S because it sucks.

13. On weekends in the summer, there’s no one in the middle. 

Long Beach
Sunbathers on the sand in Long Beach on a recent afternoon (Photo by Joe Abate).

Those people on the LIE aren’t from here.

12. We have 400,000 school districts, 7,542 villages and 3 million opinions. 

We’ll also loudly share all 3 million opinions without you having to ask.

11. Our parents did everything to escape Brooklyn. 

Our kids will do anything to get back.

10. Our taxes are among the highest in the nation. 

Because our schools are better than yours.

9. We don’t have an accent. 

Actress Marisa Tormei doesn’t have an accent either.

You have an accent.

8. There are certain streets in certain villages that have their garbage picked up like 12 times per week. 

It’s funny because it’s true.

7. Everyone wants things to change except that no one wants things to change.

Affordable Housing NIMBY
Illustration by Walt Handelsman

We are the masters of NIMBY.

6. Everyone really has had a Billy Joel encounter. 

“Piano Man” Billy Joel .

He’s kind of like Santa Claus like that.

5. Long Island is like everyone’s annoying sister. 

Reddit Long Island
A politically incorrect map, according to Reddit users.

Only we’re allowed to make fun of her. You do it and we’ll punch you in the mouth.

4. We’ve all taken the “drunk train.” 

Long Island Rail Road (Photo by MTA).

And woken up in Ronkonkoma or Babylon after missing our stop.

3. Billy Joel might be our most famous musician, but the Good Rats was our house band. 

And we’ll unapologetically rock out to “The Songwriter.”

2. No one talks about Shelter Island because we don’t want anyone to know about it. 

A full moon rises over the ferry on the cover of Shelter Island Comprehensive Guide, a book detailing all there is to do in the East End community.

Because it’s perfect. Now forget what you just read.

1. In 1977 the population on Long Island was about 2.8 million. Today the population of Long Island is about 2.9 million. 

The difference? Back then we had one car per family (station wagon with wood panels), not one car per person.

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