15. What happens on Fire Island stays on Fire Island.
It’s kind of like Vegas in that way, except the only Casino is a restaurant and bar where there’s no gambling.
14. New Jerseyans need not apply.
We may be both suburbs of the city, but we’re shaped like our original chief export, fish, while New Jersey is shaped like an S because it sucks.
13. On weekends in the summer, there’s no one in the middle.
Those people on the LIE aren’t from here.
We’ll also loudly share all 3 million opinions without you having to ask.
Our kids will do anything to get back.
Because our schools are better than yours.
9. We don’t have an accent.
You have an accent.
It’s funny because it’s true.
7. Everyone wants things to change except that no one wants things to change.
We are the masters of NIMBY.
6. Everyone really has had a Billy Joel encounter.
He’s kind of like Santa Claus like that.
5. Long Island is like everyone’s annoying sister.
Only we’re allowed to make fun of her. You do it and we’ll punch you in the mouth.
4. We’ve all taken the “drunk train.”
And woken up in Ronkonkoma or Babylon after missing our stop.
And we’ll unapologetically rock out to “The Songwriter.”
2. No one talks about Shelter Island because we don’t want anyone to know about it.
Because it’s perfect. Now forget what you just read.
The difference? Back then we had one car per family (station wagon with wood panels), not one car per person.