The Target, September 2013



OFF TARGET The teeny bopper and his entourage allegedly jumped a man outside a Southampton night club last month in a fight over a bowtie. This after he had to create an anti-bullying video for Nassau schools after instigating a Roosevelt Field Mall riot three years ago. Note to prosecutors: This time ban him from LI.


BULL’S EYE Nirvana frontman Sir Paul McCartney announces a new album and releases a new song, both titled “New.” The upbeat, feel-good tune is packed with catchy melodies and arrangements and is his most Beatles-y in decades. We love you, Mr. Walrus. #longlivepaulmccartney


OFF TARGET The overrated, flop of Daredevil Bostonian somehow managed to weasel his way into the role of one of America’s most beloved superheroes, The Caped Crusader, Batman. Social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook exploded in fury, deservingly so, yet the Bruce Wayne wannabe just won’t take the hint. Argo f**k yourself.


PARTIAL SCORE Nassau County Exec Ed Mangano taps Bruce Ratner, who lured the Islanders to his new Brooklyn Barclays Center, to renovate The Old Barn, which is like the guy who stole your wife giving you marital advice. The lesser of two evils next to the Dolans, who wanted to solidify their monopolistic stranglehold on Long Island, we’ll take the hockey-team siren. At least he’s allowing the team to play a handful of games in Uniondale as part of the deal. Hey, we’ll take what we can get.


OFF TARGET Disgraced sleaze ball San Diego Mayor Bob Filner blames the media for stirring up a “lynch mob” over his sexual harassment of at least 17 women, shirking any responsibility for the alleged indiscretions  and offering up a weak, half-hearted apology in an ill-fated attempt to save his taxpayer-financed job. This guy’s so Off-Target, even Hooters refuses to serve him.


PARTIAL SCORE Massapequa native/Hollywood hothead Alec Baldwin attacks yet another photographer, twisting the paparazzi member’s arms behind his back and ramming him into the windshield of a car. Now here’s a decent candidate for Batman! #baldwinforbatman