YEEZUS
OFF TARGET After releasing an album where he compares himself to Jesus, the ever-humble Kanye West and Kim Kardashian name their child North West because reportedly, “Nothing is north of north.” So this kid is not only doomed from the start as the child of two of the most self-absorbed people on the planet and having a mother famous for her sex tape, she’s going to have to deal with being named after a cardinal direction in the playground wars. The only shocker? The kid’s name isn’t spelled Knorth.
DOMA
BULL’S EYE In a huge victory for gay rights, the Supreme Court rules 5-4 that the Defense of Marriage Act, which allows the federal government to deny same-sex spouses the benefits granted to straight couples like Social Security, pensions and joint tax returns, is unconstitutional. President Barack Obama called the ruling “a historic step forward” on Twitter with the hashtags #MarriageEquality and #LoveIsLove but our favorite Tweet came from Bette Midler: “Surprise benefit of gay marriage to me? Thousands of weddings where they play ‘Wind Beneath My Wings!’” Gay marriage = a win-win.
FACEBOOK HASHTAGS
PARTIAL SCORE In an effort to stimulate public discussion on its site, Facebook decides to implement clickable, searchable hashtags, similar (read: identical) to Twitter’s. If your posts aren’t set to private, and you include a hashtag in your status update, don’t be surprised to see a few likes from random people you don’t know, only now that’s not just limited to your friends list. Now, when one of our “friends” makes a particularly insightful post and attaches #yoloswag to the end of it, we’ll be able to compare it to the rest of the world’s efforts. Thanks, Facebook.
TEXAS
OFF TARGET A man who hired a female escort and fatally shot her on Christmas Eve 2009 after she refused to have sex with him is acquitted of murder by a jury of his peers—in Texas. Ezekiel Gilbert’s defense argued that his actions were justified because under Texas law, deadly force can be used to recover property. While prosecutors argued the law didn’t apply in this particular situation, the jury sided with Gilbert, who was cleared of all charges and released. So, that whole secession thing…is that still on the table?
PAULA DEEN
PARTIAL SCORE Wal-mart, Target, Home Depot and a slew of other companies drop Paula Deen in a desperate attempt to distance themselves from bad PR after the celebrity chef admits she used the N-word to describe a black suspect after an armed robbery at the bank where she was working as a teller in 1987. Deen, who has apologized multiple times publicly for her actions nearly three decades ago, has already lost millions in endorsements and her contract with the Food Network. Deen’s sons call what’s happening a “character assassination” and author Ann Rice compared it to “a crucifixion.” Of course, none of this would even matter in Texas.
MEN’S WEARHOUSE
PARTIAL SCORE Men’s Wearhouse founder George Zimmer, more famously known as the “you’re gonna like the way you look” guy, was fired after a dispute with the company’s board. This leaves Dos Equis’ “Most Interesting Man in the World” virtually unopposed in the rugged-yet-distinguished-old-guy-on-TV category. We’re sure that’s got to count for something.
