You Know You’re From Long Island If…

Long Island

By Leo Capobianco

11. You dread transferring at Jamaica

LIRR Cannonball
Long Island Rail Road (Photo by MTA)

It’s not so much fear as it is sheer laziness. There is nothing more comforting than hearing that automated LIRR announcer say, “This is the train to PENN STATION. The next station is PENN STATION.”

10. You cringe when out-of-towners mispronounce Copiague, Wyandanch, Ronkonkoma, Massapequa, etc.
talkingYou can visit Long Island on one condition: First watch reruns of Growing Up Gotti, Friends or Everybody Loves Raymond to hear how we pronounce our tricky town names.

9. Your best friend’s mom loves lighthouses

lighthouse sailor 1949315 960 720
And has one of these lawn ornaments

Or your mom, therapist, cousin or uncle has abundant lighthouse towels, paintings, figurines and a map of the Montauk lighthouse.

8. Your second home is a diner
Mineola Diner 01Clock strikes midnight, your stomach growls. How can you resist the flashing neon ‘DINER’ sign?

7. Beaches elsewhere are mediocre at best
beachMaybe Long Islanders have an innate desire to inhale the ocean breeze, touch the sand, hear the waves and bathe in the Atlantic.

6. You know how to navigate the city
NYHowItGotThatWayPenn Station to Webster Hall? Forget the cab, we’ll hoof it.

5. Outsiders assume you’re rich

The Great Gatsby
“Here’s to you old sport!” Leonardo DiCaprio plays Jay Gatsby. (Photo: Warner Bros.)

F. Scott Fitzgerald really screwed us with the stereotype. Few of us actually live such a life of luxury.

4. No venues beat Jones Beach theatre

Jones Beach Long Island
View of a concert at Nikon at Jones Beach Theater in Wantagh (Photo: Jones Beach Facebook, @JonesBeachNewYork)

From the $500 ear-bleed seats in the front row to the $50 nose-bleed seats in the back, nothing beats watching your favorite performers and get a great view of the sunset at the same time.

3. You love Bayside, The Movielife, Glassjaw, Taking Back Sunday and/or Brand New

Taking Back Sunday
Taking Back Sunday at Tower Theater on April 13, 2014 (Photo by Alexandra Healey)

Billy Joel, Public Enemy, Harry Chapin, Blue Öyster Cult and the Stray Cats aren’t the only respectable groups to hail from LI.

2. Anything north of the city is “upstate”
westchester“Downstate” is Long Island and the five boroughs, right? And Plattsburgh is next to Westchester?

1. You have more beach towels than you can count
towelsWhich towel did you want? Leopard print? Neon leopard print? Pink zig-zag? Purple zig zag? Blue? The black and white striped? White an black striped? The Disney Princess™ towel? The puke green one? The over-sized? The tiny one? The one you got at the Bronx Zoo? The one you stole from Jones Beach?