Matrimonial law is uniquely complex — it’s a legal minefield where emotionally charged personal matters intersect with intricate legal issues, challenging even the most seasoned practitioners. Whether it involves dividing a complex retirement portfolio, unraveling a web of interconnected businesses to discover hidden assets, or arguing over who keeps the espresso machine — no two divorces are the same.
Unlike other areas of law, matrimonial practice demands more than legal mastery. It requires a compassionate understanding to guide spouses through one of the most emotionally taxing periods of their lives. Few navigate that terrain better than Christopher Chimeri, a name partner at Quatela Chimeri, PLLC, who has dedicated his career to guiding couples through the complexities of divorce.
But lately, Chimeri is seeing a different trend: long-term couples who never married split up, only to realize — often too late — that their years together offer no legal protection without a written agreement. These couples are faced with a harsh reality: without a written agreement, they have no framework for untangling their intertwined lives.
“These situations are not exclusive to, but common with the younger generation who may not necessarily be getting married, but entering life partnerships. They may have children and purchase a home together,” Chimeri said. “These issues — especially financial ones — should be worked out and accomplished with a written agreement before buying property together or cohabitating. Otherwise, it’s a daunting and often expensive process to address those issues in court absent a written agreement.”
The disconnect between modern relationships and the law underscores how divorce and separation have become increasingly complex in New York. Without a written agreement, unmarried couples have little to no recourse when it comes to dividing assets or resolving disputes. That is why putting things in writing before marriage, or during cohabitation, can make all the difference. Whether it’s a prenuptial agreement or a cohabitation agreement, both documents establish a framework for dividing assets and dividing financial responsibilities if the relationship ends. This provides certainty and can prevent costly legal battles that leave couples financially and emotionally drained.
Cohabitation agreements are an increasingly popular choice among unmarried couples, who lack the protections afforded to spouses. “It’s a contract between two people,” Chimeri said of cohabitation agreements. “They are enforced by the courts like any other agreement.”
“What makes them good is the same thing that makes them advisable,” he said. “It lets people know where they stand. It forces people to confront difficult questions.”
TO PRENUP OR NOT TO
Chimeri counsels clients through all stages of life: before marriage, through divorce, and beyond. One critical life decision that often gets overlooked is whether to enter into a prenuptial agreement. While it may be an uncomfortable conversation initially, these agreements can later prove invaluable for both parties. When it comes to such agreements, Chimeri emphasizes that fairness is the paramount concern.
“The most important thing about any agreement prior to a domestic relationship being entered into is it needs to be fair,” he said. “One party can’t feel the agreement is so onerous as for them to feel trapped.”
Throughout his career, Chimeri has seen it all, including prenuptial agreements between people on unequal financial footing that favor one side — regardless of whether it’s the high earner or the more financially dependent spouse. That is why qualified legal representation is critical when negotiating these agreements.
“Both sides really need to have seasoned representation to discuss their goals and plans and adequately safeguard their interests,” Chimeri added.
While prenuptial agreements are designed to provide clarity around property and finances, children are a different story. Most couples don’t have children at the time of the agreement, so issues like custody and visitation can’t be addressed in advance.
“The law doesn’t permit us to make concrete provisions for children that haven’t been born in terms of who would have custody or the parenting schedule,” he said. “Those types of custody determinations really need to be made at the time the problem presents.”
PET PEEVES
Just as disputes over children can generate acrimony, the same is increasingly true for pets. Shifting societal values recently prompted changes to New York law, which now treats pets more like children than property.
“For the longest time, pets were chattel, personal property,” he said. “They were no different in the eyes of the law than the china and flatware spouses divide when they get a divorce.”
Now, courts apply a “best interests of the pet” standard. If one partner can show that they cared for and fed animals and went to the vet, “that makes them the frontrunner to have custody of the pet,” Chimeri explained.
“There hasn’t been enough, in terms of long-term litigation, to see what courts are doing, but we’re seeing a common-sense approach thus far,” Chimeri added.
SAME SEX COUPLES
In 2011, the Marriage Equality Act legalized same-sex marriage in New York, granting same-sex couples the same legal rights as heterosexual couples. Still, many gay couples were together long before they could legally marry, creating legal gray areas that still arise today.
“The law presumes that a child born to two married people is a child of each of those people,” Chimeri said.
However, many gay couples had children before they were married. This leaves the “on paper” non-biological parent with rights no greater than that of a stepparent. In these instances, court intervention may be necessary to establish legal standing.
“I was fortunate to have litigated several seminal cases on that issue that made law,’ Chimeri said. “Another issue that comes up is in the realm of financial relief.”
Since 2016, the amount and duration of spousal support (maintenance or alimony) has been calculated using a formula that considers numerous factors, including the length of the marriage. As you might expect, the longer the marriage, the longer the duration of support the formula suggests.
“Many same sex couples were in long relationships before they could legally get married,” Chimeri said. “But when they split up, the law only recognizes the duration of the marriage, not the entire relationship.”
VENUE MATTERS
Because many Long Islanders own multiple homes, disputes often arise over where a divorce case should be filed.
“People have different reasons why they may want their case to be heard in a particular locale,” Chimeri said.
Convenience plays an important role, including where the parties spend most of their time. Also important are the location of witnesses relevant to the action.
“Maybe a doctor or teacher is called to testify in court,” Chimeri added of custody. “We look at where the connections of this family have been for witnesses.”
Snowbirds may consider hearing cases in Florida, since divorce law is state-specific. New York ties child support to parents’ gross income, while Florida also looks at other considerations, including how much time is spent with parents.
“It’s a completely different legal formula, depending on the state,” Chimeri said.
HOME SWEET HOME
“While property can be an important issue in any state, it is particularly important on Long Island. Many houses have increased in value and are typically a couple’s most valuable asset,” Chimeri noted.
Couples who purchased a house decades ago, putting time and sweat equity into it, may see it increase enormously in value. They are therefore reluctant to part with it, especially if it served as their primary residence.
“People don’t want to part with that, if they don’t have to,” Chimeri continued. “But invariably the primary residence, in the eyes of the law, is an asset.”
In many cases, one spouse will be granted “exclusive use and occupancy” of the residence for a period of time while the couple determines the property’s fate. Courts will then set a deadline for the remaining spouse to either buy out their partner’s interest or agree to sell the residence. When the parties have children, courts frequently allow the primary custodial parent to remain in the home with the children indefinitely until their circumstances change.
GRAY DIVORCES
While most divorces are traditionally about who gets the “green,” “gray” divorces are becoming more common.
“You’re really planning for the rest of your life,” Chimeri said. “Retirement is around the corner.”
Some spouses have similar incomes, while other families involve stay-at-home parents out of the workforce for decades.
“I tend to spend a lot of time looking at financial buckets available for them,” Chimeri said. “So they know what their plan will be going forward.”
Why Separation in New York is More Difficult than Divorce
Breaking up may be hard to do, but separating is even tougher, under New York State law.
Back in 2010, New York joined most other states as it entered the world of no-fault divorce, no longer requiring one of a short list of reasons to dissolve marriages. New York, however, remains one of few states still requiring those reasons for separation.
There had been a handful of reasons under which a divorce could be granted, including adultery, cruel and inhuman treatment (domestic abuse), abandonment and imprisonment of one spouse. Couples also could separate, live apart and then file for divorce.
New York in 2010, however, added “irretrievable breakdown of a relationship” for six months.
“New York was one of the last states to enact no-fault divorce, not having to tell the court and the attorneys the reason you no longer want to be married to your spouse,” Chimeri said.
One of the big, negative side effects of having to establish grounds had been spouses could say the other spouse wasn’t entitled to a divorce.
“They would leverage that as a means of negotiating,” Chimeri said. “If you want the divorce, you have to give me extra. People were forced to stay in bad or even at times abusive marriages.”
The new divorce terms are subjective, not subject to debate, but the old system remains in place for those seeking separation, which is similar to a divorce when it comes to dividing assets, liabilities and providing for the children, but without formally dissolving the marital union.
“The legislature has before it a bill that would add the same no-fault provisions applicable to divorce to separation,” Chimeri said.
Some prefer separation to divorce due to cultural, religious or other reasons, or want to test separation before full divorce. “I have to explain to them they have to prove entitlement by proving abandonment or cruel treatment for a separation,” Chimeri continued.
The new law would establish the same process for separation as divorce, but for now separation requires the same reasons the state decided were too draconian for divorce.
“They added irretrievable breakdown, often commonly called ‘irreconcilable differences,’” Chimeri said. “That’s what they’re trying to get done now for separations.”
